With their success came the
obligatory drugs, countless women, and obscene amounts of money which the
two web gurus indulged in with the type of reckless abandon usually
reserved for rock stars and televangelists. In typical superstar form,
the spoils of their success were to be short lived. Caffeine, sex, and
hysterical laughter had destroyed far stronger men than they. The duo
made every significant thing in their lives vanish with more mystical
skill than Siegfreid and Roy.
By March of 1997 there was
nowhere to go but down. Kaéo, in deep caffeine withdrawal following
rehab, dropped out of the world-renowned higher learning establishment
known as Cal Poly
Pomona. He stopped speaking English entirely and roamed about
Southern California in a 1974 Dodge cargo van tossing Jive at helpless
passersby and peddling reptiles. Brandan was on his third junior year at
USC, teetering on the verge of dropping out, and capped his ill fortune
with a multi-million dollar debt to a porn company for a fluffer contract
he reneged on. With the tawdry state of affairs their lives were in, the
two web pioneers had little ability to maintain The Jive
Page, and it was left to wither on the wayside.
Brandan saw Jive as the courier of his
destruction and vowed never to utter a word in Jive again, leaving DOPE
one ofay short of deuce. He left USC to return to his roots in Orange
County and started working on independent animation projects while
pursuing an art degree at local colleges. He appealed the fluffer
lawsuit, overturned the original decision, and received a slap on the
wrist in the form of community service counseling a group of Philipino
prostitutes.
Kaéo had disgruntled so many people in
Southern California with the hideous faded green color of his van that he
packed up and moved to Iowa. The folks in Iowa were of a more gentle
nature and looked at the quality of a person's character rather than the
color of their van, although their failure to understand a single word he
uttered caused him to revert to standard English. Despite the fact that
he couldn't speak it in the flat lands of Iowa, Kaéo kept Jive near and
dear to his heart and promised himself that he would Jive again.
There was a startling revelation in
December of 1997 that Brandan's account at USC was about to be shut down.
This, of course, would spell the immediate end of The Jive
Page. Kaéo felt the flame of Jive flickering out in his soul and
mustered up the strength to rekindle that once raging inferno. He teamed
with the internet saviors at MartNet and registered the domain name JiveOn.com, thus
ensuring a permanent home for the site on the internet.
In a perfect world we would say that Kaéo
spent all his time Jiving and rebuilding a following for the site, but he
was too involved with being a corporate monkey in Iowa. A year and a
half transpired with almost no change to JiveOn.com, and you would think
that the popularity of the site would dwindle down to nothing in that
state of stagnancy, but it did not.
Even in suspended animation, JiveOn.com
received over 100,000 hits a month. The fact that Jive persevered led
Kaéo to re-evaluate his priorities in life. He gradually arranged his
existence so that he would return to California and, in time, leave his
corporate monkey job. By early 2000, he was footloose and career-free on
his home turf in California. With some time, energy and money he
re-established the JiveOn.com presence on the net and enacted marketing
ideas with the intention of turning a profit off the page.
The JiveGuy spent the down time touring
the world with his ever-evolving band whose names included: 'Bitches
An' Chitlin's;' 'Back the Fuck Up;' 'Get Off
My Law;' 'Shutchoface;' and, most notoriously
'Sheeeeeeeeit!' The JiveGuy also honed his love skills while
on tour by having sex with over 8,700 bitches and 24,900 Ho's. He
postponed the Middle-eastern portion of his tour so that he could return
to southern California and Jive with Kaéo. The JiveGuy's dedication and
love for Jive is matched only by his voracious, insatiable sexual appetite.
Despite still being one ofay short of deuce, Kaéo continues to operate
under the name DOPE. He has made repeated attempts to get JiveOn.com
rolling again with regular updates, but feels rather lost without the
distastefull input of Brandan. Kaéo's ultimate dream is that Brandan
will forgive Jive and its many wrongs against him and return to his vacant
seat as co-conspi rator of JiveOn.com.
Well, that's the story of Deuce Ofay
Productions & Enterprises and JiveOn.com thus far. Some of the names
have been changed to protect the incestuous and certain details have been
exaggerated for dramatic flair, although the underlying story and the
facts surrounding it are true. Thanks for reading this far, even though
you may be sorry you did. Okay, now get back to the Jive, since that's
why we're all here, right!?!?
Jive On!
UPDATE June, 2001 Brandan had an
epiphany in
which he suddenly saw with absofuckinglute clarity his destiny in Jive!
Once again, there are two Ofays in DOPE!! Stay tuned for further
developments to JiveOn.com and the entire DOPERING consisting of sites
such as; Frogaine.com, EnterUranus.com, PabstSmir.com, Powermuff.com,
BiCuriousGeorge.com and
many more!
- Deuce
Ofay Productions & Enterprises
